by Esther Perel & Matthew Hussey
Make the distinction between self dependence and self love
(especially during this COVID-19 pandemic).
Just because you're on your own
it doesn't mean that you should not reaching out to other people
and forming, and nurturing extremely important relationships during this time
cause you will need them.
How someone running a bath for themselves
cooking a nice dinner for themselves
lighting a candle and eating dinner on their own
A lot of people look at that as like
"That's me loving ME"
No, that's self dependence
That's knowing you can count on yourself
A form of self-reliance.
That's not the same as self love.
Self love is the ability to perceive ourselves with an acceptance
Self love is the ability to look back on a life full of mistake
and regrets
and to be able to let go of those things
and make peace with ourselves
and not beat ourselves up, not bullying, not cajole
not constantly make ourselves feel less
than to truly look at ourselves
the raggedy old bear that we are marked up
and scared
and weathered up by the events of our lives
and say
"I like this bear, this is my bear, it's a good bear,
I'm happy with it, I wouldn't exchange it for any other bear."
That is self love.
And self love, is not mutually exclusive from connecting with other people
What we have to do is to be self dependent during this time, if we are alone
But form connections with other people that help us to survive
and that can only come from us picking up the phone
talking to people
reaching out to other people
being the help for other people we want ourselves
engendering a sense of reciprocity that
those people will also then be thinking of us.
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