"Hanya"

oleh Sapardi Djoko Damono

Hanya suara burung yang kaudengar
dan tak pernah kaulihat burung itu
tapi tahu burung itu ada di sana

Hanya desir angin yang kaurasa
dan tak pernah kaulihat angin itu
tapi percaya angin itu di sekitarmu

Hanya doaku yang bergetar malam ini
dan tak pernah kaulihat siapa aku
tapi yakin aku ada dalam dirimu

2020

2020 has been the toughest year for all of us indeed
yet it is also one of the best years I’ve ever been in.

I learn new things.
I see true colors.
I spend time for myself more than I used to.
I see beauty within me and the important humans around me.

Most people wish to have this year ended sooner
Some of them wish to have it skipped over

I, wish to walk in it longer...

"Corner of the World"

by Courtney Peppernell

There is a place I called home

and sometimes it feels like a quite little corner of the world

It is where I live and breathe

and scrawl my feelings on pages

It is where I cry and let down my walls 

on the days I’ve come up empty

and all I do is fall

This corner, filled with comfort and the ones I love

Filled with friendship and ideas always churning

a fire always burning

Each time I venture from this place to board planes 

and take roads I never dreamed possible

All I have to do is close my eyes

and think how safe I feel when I’m here

The light is always on

The kettle always warm

A dog always asleep at my feet

This corner of the world where I never feel alone

It is my home

Time-off

Dear God,

I need a time-off.
As a human.



Would you make me a butterfly?

"Self Dependence vs. Self Love"

by Esther Perel & Matthew Hussey

Make the distinction between self dependence and self love
(especially during this COVID-19 pandemic).

Just because you're on your own
it doesn't mean that you should not reaching out to other people
and forming, and nurturing extremely important relationships during this time
cause you will need them.



How someone running a bath for themselves
cooking a nice dinner for themselves
lighting a candle and eating dinner on their own

A lot of people look at that as like
"That's me loving ME"

No, that's self dependence
That's knowing you can count on yourself
A form of self-reliance.

That's not the same as self love.



Self love is the ability to perceive ourselves with an acceptance
Self love is the ability to look back on a life full of mistake
and regrets
and to be able to let go of those things
and make peace with ourselves
and not beat ourselves up, not bullying, not cajole
not constantly make ourselves feel less
than to truly look at ourselves
the raggedy old bear that we are marked up
and scared
and weathered up by the events of our lives
and say
"I like this bear, this is my bear, it's a good bear,
I'm happy with it, I wouldn't exchange it for any other bear."

That is self love.

And self love, is not mutually exclusive from connecting with other people
What we have to do is to be self dependent during this time, if we are alone
But form connections with other people that help us to survive
and that can only come from us picking up the phone
talking to people
reaching out to other people
being the help for other people we want ourselves
engendering a sense of reciprocity that
those people will also then be thinking of us.

Human

People do, come an go. People do, change.

Sometimes, it is hard for me to absorb, how could things happen.
What makes people decide to do certain things.
What makes them change their minds.

They say, "people don't change", that's true. But in some cases, they do.
Not because they're parents or friends begged them to.
Not because of other people forced them to.
But ONLY because they wanted to.

I sometimes wish that I could read minds, that would be cool.
I don't have to ask them of what was happening when they're laughing, or crying.
I don't have to wonder if they're in the mood of having a conversation.
I don't have to wonder what topic should I discuss on a small talk,
or maybe I don't even have to have one, because I know what's in their thoughts already.
I don’t have to ask them how they feel about me.
I don't have to question them why they leave.

How could some people be straightforward to others?
That would be easier if I could act that way, to just let my heart out every time I need to.
But I don't think that's how I work.
I need to think before I speak,
or act.
I need, time. To digest. To think.

Some people might never intended to do or act a certain way.
No matter how bad or good it is.
Some people might be in a middle of an uncomfortable situation.
Some people might be working under pressure.
Some people might be struggling with things.
Some people might be having a hard time.
Only God knows.

We're human.
We interact.
We think.
We solve things.
We do small talk, whether we like it or not.
We struggle.
We pray.
We emphatize.

For me, that's what makes human, Human.

"Even The Strongest Girls Need A Break"

by Rania Naim

Even the strongest girls get tired of their responsibilities. They get tired of taking care of themselves all the time, they forget about appointments they’ve made and bills they have to pay. They get tired of the independent life they chose to live. They get tired of everyone’s expectations and the number of people counting on them. They get tired of it all but they can’t find the courage to ask for help because the world expects them to be fine without any help. The world expects them to overcome everything on their own.

Even the strongest girls need love. They don’t like loneliness, they don’t like rejection, they don’t like being the man and the woman in their own lives, they don’t like being their own hero. They always save their own day, lift themselves up, be their own best friend and sometimes their biggest fan but they want to remember what it’s like to have someone do that for them every once in a while. They miss the support and the comfort of having a man to lean on, a man by their side, a man reminding them that they don’t have to do everything alone. They get tired of the emotional labor they have to put in to lift themselves up — sometimes they just need a helping hand.

Even the strongest girls break down. When they’ve had enough, when they’ve been strong for too long and they just can’t do it anymore. When they can’t get out of bed because their hearts are heavy, when they can’t think clearly anymore because their minds are scattered and their thoughts are messed up. When they feel like everything they’ve ever worked for is falling apart and when they feel like their strength is often their curse, not their blessing.

Even the strongest girls need a break. They need someone to lead the way. They need to know that they don’t have to do this forever. They need life to slow down so they can recharge their batteries to keep going. They need to feel that it’s okay to be vulnerable and ask for help and admit that some things are more than they can handle. They need to feel like they’re human beings too, not just robots expected to always be fine and do things right and walk away and stay positive.

Even the strongest girls feel drained. From everything they have to do to keep that label and everything they have to do to continue living their best lives without people taking them for granted or walking all over them.

Even the strongest girls get tired of being so strong because it was never something they were born with, it was something they had to develop because of all the hardships they had to face and all the challenges they had to overcome and all the heartbreaks they had to endure.

Even the strongest girls miss who they used to be before the world taught them how to become someone else, before the world taught them the art of being alone because people always leave and before the world taught them that counting on others will always end up in disappointment.