The Art of Letting Go

These couple of months has been pretty tough for me.

Last weekend was getting tougher, since we have to accept the fact that one of our cats is missing, Louie hasn't come home since Friday afternoon. This wasn't the first time though, he leaved once before, but return the next one and half day. But this time, it has been almost three days... until we finally decided to let him go.

Sunday evening before bed, a recommendation appears on my YouTube homepage, a video that I currently need (well not necessarily), but one of the comments underneath, freezes me for a moment:

"Let it go, if it comes back it's yours, but if it doesn't, then it never was."

It hits me right in my chest, even deeper, to my heart.
...

This early Monday morning around 7, after I had a hot shower in my office locker room (God that felt so good), I did my morning prayer. At the end of my prayer, I tell God that I let go. I surrender. I let Him decide what is best from now on.

Then, something magical happens...

By 10 am, a text coming from my brother, telling me that my Mom cried so loud it put my brother in shock he's afraid if something bad is happening to me, instead, she's crying of welcoming Louie, her favorite child. Louie came home just now.

I was like, holy shit. Is it really that fast? I mean, I let go just 3 hours ago, and now the quote I got last night "if it comes back" without me having to wait for days or months... Life is indeed so funny, isn't it?

Letting go is an art, it is something we need to learn and develop. We might fail, we might have a different way of doing it, sometimes we even might see it in a different perspective. Now I understand that even though letting go is hard, it is far from impossible. Once I did, whether it's succeeded or not, things will start changing and all answers seems to appear. At least, there is nothing to lose and I feel a lot better by letting things go, I can walk easier, think clearer, and smile wider, genuinely.

"To Myself, Ten Years Ago"

by Lang Leav 

You won't believe what I see from this vantage point, the years stretching out before you like a long and winding road. I don't want to scare you, but there is a forest just up ahead. One so dense and dark, the sunlight won't reach you for awhile. You will wander lost, in this long, perilous night, not knowing if it will ever come to an end. But believe me, the light will find you again, and when it does, you will no longer be afraid of the dark. 

Stop to catch your breath. Soon, a jagged mountain will rise before you, so steep it will make you want to turn back around. Don't despair; the first foothold is always the most difficult and every inch you claim of that cold, hard precipice will only make you stronger. Before you know it, the ground will level out beneath you, and you will look back to see you had conquered what you once thought impossible. 

See that turn just up ahead? That's the place where love will meet you, with arms so warm it will melt away the winter in an instant. And then, it will be summer for a very long time.

How ifs

I see a lot of people struggle with their insecurities and fears

Some of them are okay to say it out loud

But some others are like me

We are insecure and afraid to open up about our own insecurities and fears

We are afraid of rejection if we show the world that we are not what we want them to see.

I see a lot of people fight for their dreams and goals

Some of them believe that nothing is impossible if they work hard

But some others are like me

We are afraid of failure it makes us even more scared to start it in the first place.

I see a lot of people are excited to get married

Some of them could not wait to start a family, to have kids

But some others are like me

We are afraid of marriage

How if we would be too late for this?

How if we could not be a good partner?

How if we could not be a good parent?

How if we woke up someday by our husbands or wives and realize that we were not actually ready for this?
How if we fail?

I see a lot of people coping with goodbyes very well

Some of them moved on after losing their loved ones

But some others are like me

We are afraid of losing

We are passionate of being alone, but we are scared of being lonely

How if there would not be enough time

to say goodbye

to express our love

to hear their last breath

to apologize

to see their smile for the last time?

I am

a woman in a red winter gown

a woman with a book in her hands

a woman who smiles under the cloud, the moon, and the stars

a woman with thoughts ravel in her mind

a woman with a soothing dream reaches above her

a woman looking for serenity under the rumble

a woman who sees beauty in all hearts.